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February 12, 2006
Update
So I havent written much over the past month. Things have been a bit rocky in life with both relationships and job wise. Im really hoping things begin to improve soon and it does look like things are heading in that direction.
Im discovering once again many facets of my life that need improving. Im learning once again about life.
I guess every so often (and perhaps it comes with age), I tend to get settled, forget what my interests are, who I am, and my interest in improving myself through needed work. I become stagnant in many ways.
Josh and I just reached the 3 year mark and this is the longest relationship either of us has been in. Im not sure if this applies to other relationships or not (some seem so easy and others so difficult) but for me I am seeing it like a puzzle. For 3 years we have put the pieces together based on the fact they all should be in there, even if they arent where they are supposed to go. Now after 3 years, we are finally cleaning out the bad pieces, reorganizing, and going to try and fit them into the puzzle where they actually should fit. Hopefully creating the bigger picture in the process, so we can understand each other and our relationship a bit better, not to mention future relationships that we both could have. Im really feeling good about our future.
One of the things Ive been working on so far is letting myself out a bit more. I mean, I do go out drinking with friends however its been hard to set time aside from drinking to do things and have fun. Part of me has always held back because I didnt want to do stuff without seeing if Josh wanted to do it too. Often he wasnt avaialable and I would end up saying no. Ive stopped doing this because its the only way to build better friendships and create space between us so we can be ourselves.
As for the other stuff going on, I bought a Playstation 2. I know the PS3 should be out in a few months but I didnt want to wait. Ive been bored with surfing the net (if you can believe that) and needed another source of entertainment. I bought God of War which is a fantastic game and Ive been playing it religously. Buffy Chaos Bleeds is next.
Yesterday I went to lunch with my friend Ian at Bagdad Cafe and we stopped in the bookstore. Normally I hate being in the bookstore, at least that was how Ive been for a while. I lost interest a long time ago but when I was young, there wasnt a bookstore in the mall I didnt hit. Weird, I dont remember being so into books but do remember how much I enjoyed looking in the bookstores. Again, I think I became bored with it. I remember once I almost took a job in a bookstore just because it was part time and I could get a discount.
Well this time I spent 20 minutes in one section. The psychology section (which I used to love before). I found a great book called the Power Of Now, which looks like it could lead to some enlightenment about myself.
After that I stopped in Crystal Way and looked at crystals. Amazing how I remembered my interest again way back when. Somehow this was another interest that got lost along the way.
It seems when I date someone and they are interested in something, I feel have to lose my interest. Perhaps they are better at these things than I am. They seem to have more knowledge about these things than I do. I guess by them having more info, instead of learning from these people, I tend to discard my interest. Weird, after 36 years, learning that about myself.
I went down to visit Josh at Zubio and he and I went to a poly meetup. I stayed about 45 minutes and then went to meet some friends for the Chinese New Years parade. My first Chinese New Years parade and it was fun. I dont know if Ive ever seen the streets packed with so many people but the parade was nice. It did seem a bit repetitive though with dragon after dragon, firecracker after firecracker, and pretty lit floats. I got some pics but not a lot.
Afterwards it was back to the center to hang out with Josh some more. His cousin and her husband are staying the weekend so we came home shortly after so we could be here when they got back. Perfect timing cause they showed up about 5 minutes after we did.
Off to dinner, all of us starving. I seem to remember my moms voice when typing that line, "yeah, you look like youre starving". Thai food was fantastic.
Home, fun, and much more. It was a great day overall and hoping today will be better.
The future cant be what you want it to be unless you work at it today. Thats my new phrase to live by.
Posted by Des at February 12, 2006 06:54 AM
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