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November 01, 2005
Lack of Entry
So when was the last time Ive updated this thing? Im not really certain since the screen is now blank. I could go back and check but hey, Im here now.
So recent events taking place. Finally got a weekend to catch up the weekend before this past one. It felt like I actually caught up on most of the sleep I lost over the summer with all of the festivals and fairs. It was well needed however this past weekend was a bit over done.
Friday night I stayed in knowing I would most likely go out Saturday night. Saturday is the "gay" halloween in Castro and Monday is the BIG night which scares me. I got down there around 9pm and the Castro was hopping. Everyplace was packed and finally with so many fags celebrating from bad drag to lots of sailors, they closed off Castro Street.
With this, there was no drinking in the streets. After hanging out with my new friends Danny and Mike (whom I met the weekend before), they persuades me to drink canned beer from a paper bag. I was getting drunk enough where I didnt care.
After making the rounds in Castro, and finishing our ghetto beer, they also convinced me it was a good idea to go to Powerhouse. It was not. I was trashed and I hate being so far from home I need to take public transportation when Im drunk. Regardless, I crossed the line I always cross and needed to go at that exact moment. I cabbed it home spending money I didnt need to spend. I made it home safely.
Sunday, being the "glutton for punishment" type of guy I am, I went to beer bust. I started early so I went to the Lone Star first. Met a few cool people and played pool with some guy. I won which was weird to me but I think he was being nice in letting me win.
After a few beers there, I went to beer bust around 3:15. It was quit but I did get to see Kenji before he left. I always enjoy seeing him and he always puts a smile on my face.
To make the story a bit shorter (but not any more interesting) I got drunk. Some people showed up by this time. Steve and Jay along with some friends of Jays that were in town. Some people I knew and it was fun but the line was coming quickly again.
One thing that did happen that struck me as odd, is a guy whom I thought snubbed me all the time. Its funny how you get certain impressions about people without even knowing them. We tend to make judgements based on appearance, facial expressions, lack of words (or in some cases drunken words which arent thought out completely). As we were in the bathroom, he said to me "we (being his friends) we're saying you have such a cute face".
Now being drunk, and always having a feeling that the guy didnt like me for some weird, self concious reason, all I could reply was "I thought you didnt like me". After thinking about it, this didnt seem like the best response to someone who just paid me a compliment. If reversed I probably would have came back like he did with a solid "I dont even know you, why wouldnt I like you?". Either way, the proper response should have been "thank you, Im Desmond". Next time lol.
So drunk and stupid, we went to the Lone Star. This is where I black out a bit. I dont believe we had a drink there but its possible. I remember bits of walking down the street with Steve to Muni. He was soooo my saviour that afternoon.
I dont remember the train ride at all but I do remember getting off at Church because we got on the J, and apparently it was because I didnt want to wait for the correct train. I only learned that the next day.
I parted with Steve at Church. He walked up to Castro and I caught a cab home. Its only about a mile home but I didnt want to stumble down Market Street looking like the fool.
Halloween, Oct 31st, Castro Street, 200-300 THOUSAND people. Straight, Ghetto, from east bay and beyond. It was a mad house. I stayed home.
On to work. Its been great. I started new hours this week working 5:30am - 2pm. Im loving it. Im up early anyway and love getting done early in the afternoon. Ive been wanting a shift like this for a while now and finally got it. They are also paying this shift an extra $100 per pay check to work it. Heck, they could have saved the money cause I would have done it for the same rate. Bonus for me though.
Tonight Josh and I are heading for a reading or a play or something. I forget what its about but seems like a nice thing to do. I guess we are meeting his friend Barry and it will be nice to finally spend a bit of time with Barry since Ive been really afraid of it.
See I like Barry a lot (not in that way) but for the fact he is just one of those great guys who on a rare occassion comes into ones life. Josh is lucky to have someone like him as a friend and I guess part is afraid of getting close. Several reasons this happens. 1) he is Josh's friend and I dont want to invade that space. We all need our own friends and Barry has been a great friend to Josh. The other reason is that I always question everything. "why did he do that" or better yet "why would he do that nice thing he did". Its not that I think there is something he wants in return but just the opposite. I dont like accepting gifts that are whole hearted and given without reason. I always feel guilty in taking this mainly because I feel less of myself. I feel like I now owe something and know I dont have anything to give in return. This one tends to hold me back from a lot of close friendships and I know it holds me back in my relationship. Its nice to see but changing who I am is rather difficult. All I can do is try.
So thats about all thats happening on my end. So much for short updates. I would promise to write more frequently but Im afraid I know how bad I slack. Till next time, if you are still reading, hugs.
Posted by Des at November 1, 2005 05:03 PM
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