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April 14, 2005
Learning
Several things are happening right now and everything seems to be happening for a reason. The first thing and foremost is school vs. working. Ive been persuing both, although school a bit more. I now understand what at one time seemed so simple.
When Josh was planning out his school about a year ago (which I can hardly believe it was a year ago), I kind of felt as an outsider may, that the routine and planning should be fairly easy. Filling out forms, and making a few phone calls. I was so wrong and now Im realizing that.
Several things come into play. First, can I get a live person on the phone and not get their voicemail to call me back. When they do call me back, could it please be a time when Im not running out the door. I feel like because I have time in the afternoon, I want to be out doing stuff, running errands, and to call me on my cell would just be hard since I would be in no position to talk to them if they did call.
Then there is the issue of who does what at the school. Who handles admissions? Not so much which office but who do I need to talk to? Who do I need to talk to about financial aid? What paperwork do I need and what are the next steps I need to take to make this happen? This is all based on a fact that I have made a decision on a specific school and which course of study I want to take. Both have different sets of classes and which one will be best for me. God, so much research and time.
The other thing I realized is that my basic math skills suck. In school I did really well in Math. All forms from Trig to Business. Now Im finding all those things I learned in school, have somehow been forgotten including basic math skills.
I wondered how some people's writing skills and math skills could deteriorate over the years and now Im understanding how. If you arent using them regularly, they tend to become unimportant to us. I guess sometimes it seems unimportant if you arent using them. I think "wow, I forgot about denominators, and numerations. Ive forgotten whole numbers. Ive forgotten simple stuff like adding and subtracting fractions. How could this happen without me seeing it."
Its funny, although I did better in Math than English in school, I somehow have changed that around. I took the sample test this morning for both English and Math, and realized I did much better with the English portion. Of course I know I dont have the best spelling or grammar but it seems my skills are still much better. God I need to brush up on that stuff. It took me about 2 hours just to get through the sample, with researching "how to do it" and figuring it all out again.
Along with all this school stuff, and figuring out what I need, I have also welcomed the notion of submitting a few resume's here and there just to see what happens. Who knows, perhaps my skills will get me the dream job that pays 60k at least. You never know so therefore Im welcoming all options.
As for other things going on, Ive been feeling a bit overwhelmed and lost with it all. Ive been slipping into old habbits which I know all too well. Recognizing patterns in my life that seem to go along with older habbits. Ive been out drinking more because Ive had free time. I havent been worrying too much about cash flow because of it. Ive also been neglecting saving money for the things that are important. Ive been taking for granted the fact that cash will be available somehow and history shows me that if I keep spending I will end not end up doing what I really want to do. This knowledge hasnt seemed to stop me but has made me aware of whats happening in my life. Its much easier to go out drinking and have fun than face whats ahead.
With this Im planning on calming things down a bit and relaxing. I spent the last 2 nights at home and have gotten to sleep at a decent time. It felt really good to actually stay in for a change. Im just hoping I can continue this pattern and hopefully find people who want to do other stuff other than going to a bar and drinking. I know people are out there.
On another note, Im excited about 2 visits this summer that are now almost definite. Im not sure if I mentioned it in previous emails but Jason wants to come visit and should be coming for pride. We should know more next week when we can finally make it definite. Also my sister wants to come for Dore Alley Fair at the end of July, which we will probably make happen and know more come May or June.
As for me, right now, Im heading outside. Its a beautiful sunny day and I need to get my daily walk in down in the Castro. Ive been taking an hour or two just to get out of the house and its always nice to sit on the corner of Castro & Market with a cup of coffee and watch the hot gay boys & men get on and off MUNI lol. I also know a few people now so I occassionally will run into someone I know. It feels good. :)
Later I meet my friend Ben and his bf Steve for a few cocktails. I plan on behaving and just having a few. Who knows what will happen. :)
PS: Have I mentioned time has been blending together and I sometime forget which month, date, or day of the week it is. I need a schedule lol.
Posted by Des at April 14, 2005 12:35 PM
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