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October 08, 2004
God I hate titles
So my evening went well (my day written below).
I went out around 10pm to the Pilsner and for the first time, I had a really good time there. I first ran into this guy Joel who I had met a few times. He didnt recognize me when I waved to him and seemed kind of shocked that I did. To describe him, he is short, heavy, kind of a mix between a hippie and a yuppie, always intoxicated when I see him, and a nice guy (at least it seems that way). After he remembered who I was, he asked if I wanted to get high. I declined but said I didnt mind talking to him while he did.
While walking out to the back of the Pilsner, I got several looks. Good ones which really boosted my ego a bit. Man, what a difference a shower makes lol. While I was talking to him, my friend Logan came up and said hi. He also pointed out the fact that he was horny in a flirtatious way lol. He asked me to join some other gay.com chatters which I immediately did. They are the talkers in the main room and me being one of the same, thought it would be nice to meet some more guys who are open online. It turned out to be alot of fun. I did meet one guy in particular who I thought was very cute. He has a picture online but I guess I never really looked at it. He always talks to me online and has been really nice. I am thinking he is someone Id really like to become friends with.
I had 4 drinks and was drunk. God I am such a light weight these days. 2 scotch's and 2 beers. It could have been the constant smoke from pot that engulfed the air around me at all times. California has alot of pot heads here lol. I have to admit, I was tempted. Life seemed much easier to handle when stoned at times but I know that I cant mix alcohol and pot. It makes me dizzy, the world starts spinning, and I get head rushes that are enough to pass out sometimes. Good idea not to mix.
So after the 4 drinks, I was drunk, said good-bye to everyone and hopefully now that I know a few people it will be easier to go out on a Friday night. God it was nice to have that kind of environment back even if I was the *new* guy. I still couldnt help but think they arent billy, chris5, jarrod, jeffy, indy, or any of the other wonderful people I miss so much in Rochester. It is a great thing to know that its possible in the future.
On the way home (drunk), I ran into a guy I work with. God I feel like I made an ass of myself being drunk but he was too lol. Got home around 11:30, St3ve was home and Rick was here hanging out with him. Rick came in and gave me a hug. I wish I had the energy to stay up and hang out with him but I was tired so it was bed by 11:35 lol.
Chalk it all up for a good night....
________________
So today was a good day. I feel great and managed to get past some issues Ive been having. Im feeling stronger and more focused. Its funny how sometimes we let things get in the way of feeling better about ourselves and our lives which ends up creating a bunch of issues that really dont mean anything more than what is at face value. Ive decided I have no room for negative issues that dont mean anything to me.
So on to trivial stuff. Superman.... Not sure why this thought popped into my head but it did. I just wonder if Superman is going faster than a speeding bullet, how he is so focused that he doesnt do a world of damage along the way. How can anyone possibly be so alert that he doesnt accidently run into cars, people, etc... You know these things pop out of nowhere. Ok it really was a stupid thought but hey, not everything can be exciting and serious.
I am really beginning to like at least one person at work. Her name is Kathy and she is probably the sweetest girl. She actually understands what its like being new since she is fairly new herself. She actually has gone to bat for me on certain occassions which really made me feel good. She reminds people that the job is messed up and that its not easy coming in as a new person and not having a lot of what the job entails in writing. Seems most people who have been there for years have this stuff memorized which leads to many people having different information. I hear a lot of "oh there was an update on that", and "that was before you got here", and "that was true yesterday but its different today". So why didnt anyone tell us? Stupid company but they pay me lol.
So another thing that made me feel good was a couple of pictures that I took of the sunrise a couple of days ago. It was amazing and the pictures seemed to capture the moment. I got many compliments on it when I printed them and framed them. Kathy asked if she could have a copy which really made me feel good so I gave her my framed copies and will print another set down the road. I really felt like my photography skills were improving and to have someone want a copy, just makes me feel that much more confident.
So tonight I am going out for a bit. I will probably go to the Pilsner since its the "gay.com" thing to do on Fridays. I will most likely spend the evening standing around by myself like usual. I do kind of miss knowing people but in the same respect, with all Ive learned coming out in Rochester, it allows me to stand back and observe people. I havent done that since I was much younger.
I remember before I came out, my friend Paul and I used to sit outside the door or entrance to a party in the shadows and watch people as they entered. We wouldnt say a word but just watched. It was humorous to hear the different conversations people would have before joining the scene, especially when they are already drunk or high lol. God, I miss him and wish he was around. Its been almost 3 years since he passed away. I think of him often.
Ok, enough for now... shower time and time to look pretty. I will write more if I get the chance.
Posted by Des at October 8, 2004 07:50 PM
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